SEVEN SIMPLE RULES OF LIFE IN HIDING:
"One, never trust a cop in a raincoat.
Two, beware of enthusiasm and of love, both are temporary and quick to sway.
Three, if asked if you care about the world's problems, look deep into the eyes of he who asks, he will never ask you again.
Four, never give your real name.
Five, if ever asked to look at yourself, never look.
Six, never do anything the person standing in front of you cannot understand.
And finally seven, never create anything, it will be misinterpreted, it will chain you and follow you for the rest of your life."
~ Arthur Rimbaud
[I'm Not There is a 2007 biographical film inspired by the life of musician Bob Dylan.]
So, to be blunt...I'm not sure why I started this blog, but when you're sleeping outside you come up with all sorts of things to do to kill time. While hoping they some how magikly make you some money. Really it had a lot to do with a women, but how often does any man give anything back to the world without it at least silently being blamed/dedicated in part to women. I've been sleeping at my high-school friend [Adam]'s apartment. Him and his roommate Jon have lived here for over 3 years that I know of. I only knew he lived here because this is where we met him after his mother's funeral. Ironical this happens to be the very occasion I first met Ms. F.
It all comes down to how you look at it, but I'm awfully close to point where I will have spent more time couch surfing and sleeping outdoors then I've spent In my own bed. I have to say...at 31 it all bears down on you with a much more weighty urgency.
Some strange stir of intensity from deep deep down has started to awaken within. I'm not sure if I hate it or love it. I always feels like I'm losing my mind. ...again? ...but really, how many times can that happen to one mind. Everything is starting to seem very inter-connected.
Waves! I just know it has a lot to do with waves.
...& temporalness, and the non-locality of all time and space.
Oh!
...and hysinberg's uncertainty principles as well as whatever the currant version of M-theory dictates and thier potential cohesion with a grand-unifying theory of a holographic universe. I would LOVE to spend my time doing these calculations. I truly believe this could account for the leaking of gravitational forces from our "4-D" universe, while also explaining duality within the electromagnetic-gravitational force relationship.
"One, never trust a cop in a raincoat.
Two, beware of enthusiasm and of love, both are temporary and quick to sway.
Three, if asked if you care about the world's problems, look deep into the eyes of he who asks, he will never ask you again.
Four, never give your real name.
Five, if ever asked to look at yourself, never look.
Six, never do anything the person standing in front of you cannot understand.
And finally seven, never create anything, it will be misinterpreted, it will chain you and follow you for the rest of your life."
~ Arthur Rimbaud
[I'm Not There is a 2007 biographical film inspired by the life of musician Bob Dylan.]
So, to be blunt...I'm not sure why I started this blog, but when you're sleeping outside you come up with all sorts of things to do to kill time. While hoping they some how magikly make you some money. Really it had a lot to do with a women, but how often does any man give anything back to the world without it at least silently being blamed/dedicated in part to women. I've been sleeping at my high-school friend [Adam]'s apartment. Him and his roommate Jon have lived here for over 3 years that I know of. I only knew he lived here because this is where we met him after his mother's funeral. Ironical this happens to be the very occasion I first met Ms. F.
It all comes down to how you look at it, but I'm awfully close to point where I will have spent more time couch surfing and sleeping outdoors then I've spent In my own bed. I have to say...at 31 it all bears down on you with a much more weighty urgency.
Some strange stir of intensity from deep deep down has started to awaken within. I'm not sure if I hate it or love it. I always feels like I'm losing my mind. ...again? ...but really, how many times can that happen to one mind. Everything is starting to seem very inter-connected.
Waves! I just know it has a lot to do with waves.
...& temporalness, and the non-locality of all time and space.
Oh!
...and hysinberg's uncertainty principles as well as whatever the currant version of M-theory dictates and thier potential cohesion with a grand-unifying theory of a holographic universe. I would LOVE to spend my time doing these calculations. I truly believe this could account for the leaking of gravitational forces from our "4-D" universe, while also explaining duality within the electromagnetic-gravitational force relationship.
Yeah, that pic is crazy. Though, I guess, so is my life.
Yah know, things really wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for stupid people & rain.
...but today is a bitch.
...& yesterday wasn't all that easy either.
It started bad & just got worse.
1st off, the cunt at the Library in Lincolnwood [the closest Library I can get on line because I owe the CPLs like $60] was just obnoxious for no good reason when I asked if I could use one of the hr long sit-down computers. They give out guest passes to non-residents who don't have a CPL card, & I haven't asked for this since last around this time last year. The hag was like "you can just use the stand up computers like you have been". Yet these computers are set up to not use flash drives & have no sound cards. I just wanted to sit cause my back hurt, & listen to music while trolling through craigslist. Meanwhile, there are a bunch of computers just sitting there that no one is using.
WTF?
Then, at around 2ish, I walk across the street to sit down on the steps to the back entrance of a Mortgage Lender to eat lunch, & no sooner then I finish, some dill-weed, self-righteous fuck, who was probably younger then me, comes over all cock-sure saying "Hey, can I help you w/ something" I just look him square in the eye with a dead stare & say "No." Though, right after saying it I thought to myself I should have asked what he was offering. I hate it when people say things that are the complete opposite of what they mean. I just knew it would be lost on him, & that in truth he didn't give a shit about helping me. He goes on about how I should clean up after myself. I just apathetically agreed. [mind you I've been stopping there pretty regularly to chill for the past year, and never left a real mess] Then, as he's walking away, he says I shouldn't be smoking so close to the entrance, & then when he's far enough away that he feels safe he says "So, you goanna have to get out there, buddy. Ok?" I just nodded without giving him a backward-glance.
So, I left a bunch of garbage.
I almost made a bigger mess, but thought better just because it would have been more work. After this I bussed to a park to workout, the showered in their park-house. It's a service the city provides for the homeless, but it only open certain days & hrs. Which, should be in the morning, but of course isn't till after 3pm. People are stupid. I need to shower early in the day, before I go to job interview or something like that, and it's not like there not open. I just don't get it.
So, then I realized I lost my pack of cigarette butts, and spent awhile looking around for it. Though, to no avail. But! I did happen open a really small blunt roach. Which did get me a little stoned, or least that's what I told myself, and as much as I just wanted to sit enjoy by buzz & the weather, I had to run back to the Library see if a friend of mine [a guy I met dumpster-diving] came through. I had given him some cloths to wash for me. He's a good guy, but notoriously unreliable, and sure enough he never showed.
Now, since I was here [Library] I figured I check my email again to see if any of the craigslist gigs I had sent msgs to had gotten back to me. Sure enough, this one chick who need guys for a focus-group had responded, but here Email said she had tried to call. Alas, I had typed the wrong phone #. Yet, the plan was to go call her, and almost as if on cue, my phone starts beeping cause the battery was dieing. Now, as much as that sucks, I would have just charged it up, but when I thought about it, I hadn't seen my charger in days, nor could I recall the last place I had. Since then I've searched all my shit only to confirm it's gone. So, my only course of action [since the Library closed] was to go to the mall in the area and use one of the internet demo computer at a T-mobile store, get the girls #, & called her on one of their display phones.
I got her voice mail.
After that I was just down-trodden by it all. So, I walked over to the Dominick's dumpster I told you about, sat down, & wrought about all this.
I was goanna go back to the mall 1st thing today, but it's been raining & the holes is my utterly fucked shoes let my socks get soaked in a matter of minutes...
...and there isn't much worse then spending a day in wet shoes.
Well, I just keep telling myself it can only get better from here.
...but I said that yesterday too.
Yah know, things really wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for stupid people & rain.
...but today is a bitch.
...& yesterday wasn't all that easy either.
It started bad & just got worse.
1st off, the cunt at the Library in Lincolnwood [the closest Library I can get on line because I owe the CPLs like $60] was just obnoxious for no good reason when I asked if I could use one of the hr long sit-down computers. They give out guest passes to non-residents who don't have a CPL card, & I haven't asked for this since last around this time last year. The hag was like "you can just use the stand up computers like you have been". Yet these computers are set up to not use flash drives & have no sound cards. I just wanted to sit cause my back hurt, & listen to music while trolling through craigslist. Meanwhile, there are a bunch of computers just sitting there that no one is using.
WTF?
Then, at around 2ish, I walk across the street to sit down on the steps to the back entrance of a Mortgage Lender to eat lunch, & no sooner then I finish, some dill-weed, self-righteous fuck, who was probably younger then me, comes over all cock-sure saying "Hey, can I help you w/ something" I just look him square in the eye with a dead stare & say "No." Though, right after saying it I thought to myself I should have asked what he was offering. I hate it when people say things that are the complete opposite of what they mean. I just knew it would be lost on him, & that in truth he didn't give a shit about helping me. He goes on about how I should clean up after myself. I just apathetically agreed. [mind you I've been stopping there pretty regularly to chill for the past year, and never left a real mess] Then, as he's walking away, he says I shouldn't be smoking so close to the entrance, & then when he's far enough away that he feels safe he says "So, you goanna have to get out there, buddy. Ok?" I just nodded without giving him a backward-glance.
So, I left a bunch of garbage.
I almost made a bigger mess, but thought better just because it would have been more work. After this I bussed to a park to workout, the showered in their park-house. It's a service the city provides for the homeless, but it only open certain days & hrs. Which, should be in the morning, but of course isn't till after 3pm. People are stupid. I need to shower early in the day, before I go to job interview or something like that, and it's not like there not open. I just don't get it.
So, then I realized I lost my pack of cigarette butts, and spent awhile looking around for it. Though, to no avail. But! I did happen open a really small blunt roach. Which did get me a little stoned, or least that's what I told myself, and as much as I just wanted to sit enjoy by buzz & the weather, I had to run back to the Library see if a friend of mine [a guy I met dumpster-diving] came through. I had given him some cloths to wash for me. He's a good guy, but notoriously unreliable, and sure enough he never showed.
Now, since I was here [Library] I figured I check my email again to see if any of the craigslist gigs I had sent msgs to had gotten back to me. Sure enough, this one chick who need guys for a focus-group had responded, but here Email said she had tried to call. Alas, I had typed the wrong phone #. Yet, the plan was to go call her, and almost as if on cue, my phone starts beeping cause the battery was dieing. Now, as much as that sucks, I would have just charged it up, but when I thought about it, I hadn't seen my charger in days, nor could I recall the last place I had. Since then I've searched all my shit only to confirm it's gone. So, my only course of action [since the Library closed] was to go to the mall in the area and use one of the internet demo computer at a T-mobile store, get the girls #, & called her on one of their display phones.
I got her voice mail.
After that I was just down-trodden by it all. So, I walked over to the Dominick's dumpster I told you about, sat down, & wrought about all this.
I was goanna go back to the mall 1st thing today, but it's been raining & the holes is my utterly fucked shoes let my socks get soaked in a matter of minutes...
...and there isn't much worse then spending a day in wet shoes.
Well, I just keep telling myself it can only get better from here.
...but I said that yesterday too.
I've been working at a sandwich-shop in the northern suburbs of Ill. Since Monday. The 17 year-old that interviewed me tells me afterwards "everybody smokes here, we even have a manger that deals, and it pretty good weed too. You smoke don't you?" I said "who me? Never!...wait?...um?What Where we talking about?" I'm not sure if he got it.
I've been sleeping in the "woods" (I'll explain that in more detail when it doesn't jeopardize anything), because of the stupid Licolnwood cop who couldn't find anything more important to do but kick me out of the 6'x4' storage shed I'd been staying in since the end of June. It was 3am when the piece-of-shit decides to fuck with me. When he found me he say's "What are you doing here?" So, I tell him I'm homeless and he says "I don't care, you can't stay here!" Fucking moran! Why are the dumbest people given positions of authority. At one point he says out-loud. "Nice Bike! Wish I had a Cannondale!" I came back quick with "I'll sell it to you for $300. Cause I need a apartment more then I need a bike. He says, "Wish I had $300." Yeah, I'm so sure he's starving. Of course I end up getting a job a few days later, but that's just my luck. 2Months with a dry place to sleep and nothing to do, and as the second I find work I lose the roof over my head.
So, Jenny has been sending me these weird messages about how she feels like communicating, but only out of "simple curiosity". Meanwhile my "buddy" Dan, who had got all pissy when I told him me and her had hooked up has either already fucked her or is trying to, and thinks he can keep it from me. This is rather strange because he told me that he didn't want anything to do with her after he found out me and her had done the deed, but then when I was over by his place he calls some girl in front of me and then got all silly when I asked who it was. Saying that he couldn't tell because his girlfriend would get upset. The irony (for lack of a better word) is that shortly after she came in the apartment she gets to talking about Jenny and how they all had hangout recently. I responded by telling Rebecca about how Jenny has been calling me and sending me the strangest Emails. Then she started talking about how she always calls so late and wants to hangout at the most fucked-up hours. I just agreed. She then started bitching about the long walks Jenny like to take. Again I just agreed.
I can't say that I'm surprised by Dan's behavior. Although I will admit that I'm rather disappointed that the shit-bag is so shallow that he'd go after the one girl I told him I really cared about. This just shows how much of low-life fuck he really is, but in truth I can't say I didn't already know it.
So anyway...
The plan is to get him a little drunk, and then when he's not expecting it I'm goanna ask..." So? Dude, what does my dick taste like?" , and then "Do you think you upper lip will permanently smell like my balls?" I'm not so upset that he had sex with someone I've fucked, but that I figure his old-hag bad-mouthed me to Jenny, just to get her away from me. Besides the fact that he has a Bi-G.F. , and on top of that he's always bragging about the cute girls they have or will fuck.
If things are going that good why would anyone need to chase after the pussy I'm with at the time? Especially some who I've know for 15years and calls himself my friend?
Its just lame!
"Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love."
~ Charlie Brown
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Ten days after leaving me this message (on my voice mail) she tells me that she doesn't think we're "compatible". A few days after that I notice her sister had some new pictures posted on "NOT YOUR"-Space.com of her B-day get together that went down about a week earlier. Which I thought was a little strange being that she had already posted a bunch a few days before this. THESE, how ever, showed "lil miss full-of-shit" all but draped over some goofy-looking dweeb. Not just once, but every photo shows here in various degrees of flirtation, and inviting body language. Sitting next to (if not staring at) the same guy in ever shot.
What makes this all particularly fucked is that a day or two before the sisters B-day, I called her just see what was up, and because I didn't have a penny to my name I wanted let her know that I didn't think I'd be able to make the party. [There was a 20$ charge, and if my memories serves me, I couldn't donate plasma because of a pretty nasty gash I got on my finger prying open a T-JOE's dumpster to get dinner. ] Without the slightest bit of hesitation she says, WAY too casually, "that's oh Kay." Not that I wanted her to pay, although it would have been nice considering she know that when I wasn't crashing at her place I was either sleeping on the train or somewhere outside. Call me silly, but I thought she would have wanted to spend the day with her boy-friend. Apparently she had someone else in mind.
It's not so much that she found another that hurts, (even if I did ask if there was someone the same day she tore the threads of my heart from her life, but of course she denied it), but that she didn't even respect me enough to tell me the truth. It's funny/creepy how people can say they care until you expect them to show it. I'll never understand how the same girl can suck my cock empty one day & then next decide they never want to see or speak to me again?
